Break
by BlaseBlanco
Summary: Some broken hearts aren't meant to be mended.


Author's Notes: This is...nonsense. I've no idea where this came from but here it is. The first line popped into my head and it just wouldn't go away until it was written and done.

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><p><span>Break<span>

You're breaking my heart and you don't even care. Or maybe, as unlikely as it seems, you don't even realize you're doing it. I doubt it's the latter considering the fact that I've never tried to be subtle about the way I feel about you. My heart clenches as I recall how you always used to laugh off my advances.

"You know I'm no good for you, Jansen."

I'd laugh along, playing the part of the dutiful best friend. If only you'd seen how wrong you were.

After four years of practically being glued together at the hip, you leave everything you've ever known, just for _him_. Gongora stupidly doesn't realize the gift he's being given in the form of your ever-unwavering love and it kills me.

When you hug me at graduation, I hold you tighter than I probably should, and I desperately try to remember everything about you, from the way you smell to the way you fit in my arms. Your grip starts to loosen, and I remember to school my features into something resembling normalcy despite the steady weight pressing against my chest.

You whisper one last "Miss you" before Gongora's leading you off to the car stuffed with your belongings and I remember to wave even as silent tears slide down my cheeks. Even as you break my heart for the first time.

The next time I lay eyes on you is almost ten years later. I've already graduated from the local university and have been teaching science for a few years when I open my front door to you, unusually dissheveled but handsome as always.

You give me a watery smile and I barely notice the dark circles under your sky blue eyes before I'm pulling you into my arms, smiling at the way you relax in my embrace. It's been so long since I've last touched you that I forget how you liked to snuggle and tuck your head under my chin. What sounds like my name ghosts against my collarbone and I clutch you tighter.

"I've missed you."

Another, slightly shakier smile and I'm leading you to sit in the living room where you curl up on the couch. You stretch out a bit and rest your head on my shoulder. What you say next makes me see red.

"He's been sleeping around on me." You add his name as an afterthought, as if I've forgotten the man who took you away so many years ago. "I don't really know how long but I just...I can't stay there right now."

I nod and drape my arms around your shoulders and hold you, comforting you as best as I can.

Eventually, you fall asleep and I quickly run to your car to bring your hastily packed bags inside. Immediately, I'm wracked with indecision. Do I bring the bags to my bedroom and assume you'll sleep up there with me, or do I leave them in the living room? Deciding it can wait until tomorrow, I leave them by the door, then pillow your head in my lap, carding my fingers through your considerably longer hair. I drift off to sleep that night wondering when my love for you is meant to fade.

By the end of breakfast the next morning you've decided to stay for two weeks before returning home to work things out with Gongora. Because you love him, you remind me.

I nod and drop a spare house key into your palm before giving you a quick hug and heading off to work.

It's surprisingly easy to fall into a comfortable routine with you in those few short days. While I'm at work, you catch up with friends whom you've actually kept in contact with over the years. I try to brush off the hurt that inspires. When I finally get home, you coax me out of the house for a few hours and I indulge you, if only for the sake of seeing your beautiful smile. Once home, we sit down and you help me grade papers until we both retire to my bed where you curl up in my arms and I try to ignore the inherent comfort and overwhelming rightness the position stirs in me.

Far too quickly for my liking, fourteen days have passed and your bags are neatly packed in your car and you're back in my arms with your head tucked securely beneath my chin. Unlike so many years ago, I'm unable to hide my tears as I hold you to me. A sad smile graces your lips as you brush away the tears with your thumbs.

Suddenly, we're kissing and your fingers are tangled in my hair and I try to file away every second of that perfect kiss. When we finally part, your lips are shiny and red and I'm tempted to convince you to stay with me.

"I love you, Kaim.", I whisper instead.

An even sadder smile and another quick kiss and you're walking backwards to your car. "I love you, too." I manage to read on your lips as you climb into your car and pull away, breaking my heart for a second and hopefully final time. After all, as much as I loved you, I couldn't endure the pain of you me leaving me for a third time. The next time might break me.

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><p><span>End Notes<span>: The first thing I've ever written that doesn't have a happy ending. Figured I should try my hand at something new. The whole present tense thing was an...unfortunate side effect of this experiment. I totally suck at it. I realize that now. I have to admit though, it was kinda fun writing something where everything didn't pan out in the end. Hope you guys were entertained.

Anywhozit, **reviews would be greatly appreciated and reviewers showered with my love and loads of yummy yummy Raisinets.**


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